Arbitrary Musings

There’s a phrase that I say every once in a while, either in my head or to a close friend, and that is, “This reminds me of that Seinfeld episode where [insert character and particular situation].” Sometimes it’s been a stretch, but there were a couple of recent instances that I can relate to situations experienced by some of my all-time favorite sitcom characters:

Circumstance #1: Due to the schedule for the field studies I’m conducting in users’ homes, I tried fitting in my gym time around the lunch hour. Although this energized me for the afternoon, I seem to share the same affliction as George; specifically, the post-workout shower “didn’t take.” During the trip back to the office, my human heat pump ability turned on. Fortunately, there weren’t any meetings during the afternoon hours.

Circumstance #2: Our work group used to share an administrative assistant who ordered supplies for the team. Unfortunately, he’s no longer with the group due to time restrictions on contracts. I made it a nearly daily ritual of shooting the shit in his office, and it worked wonders for my stress levels. Anyhow, this co-worker was quite candid when it came to his voicing opinions on some of the other employees. When someone passed by (who I don’t work with at all), I heard him remark “oh my God, he/she has B.O.!” Of course, he didn’t say, “he/she”, but I’m trying to keep this person as anonymous as possible. One of my first questions back to him was: “Do you think it’s B.O.? Or is more B.B.O.?” Although it made me a bit uncomfortable hearing about the cleansing habits of someone I hardly knew, I did feel good knowing that I was a great outlet for my friend, and in some way I relished that fact that I was one of the first people to hear his rants.

Circumstance #3: There’s been a great deal of construction on the freeway close to my apartment, and a large stretch of the road has become extremely rough. There are construction signs all through the areas undergoing maintenance, most notably two “bump” signs, one where the road goes from smooth to rough, and another where it goes back to being smooth again. For the sake of illustration, this is the sign I’m talking about:

Someone apparently thought the large, colorful, and reflective sign did not convey the message strong enough, as he or she took the liberty of adding an exclamation point after the word BUMP with electrical tape. Now, when I reach the part of the freeway where it transitions from rough to smooth (the second sign, if you paid attention), I laugh to myself as my car passes over the BUMP! on the way to work. Seinfeld fans will know where I’m going with this one:

LIPPMAN: Ah, (reads an excerpt) “It was damp and chilly afternoon, so I decided to put on my sweatshirt!”
ELAINE: Right, well…
LIPPMAN: You put exclamation point after sweatshirt?
ELAINE: That’s that’s correct, I-I felt that the character doesn’t like to be ch-ch-chilly…
LIPPMAN: I see, (reads another excerpt) “I pulled the lever on the machine, but the Clark bar didn’t come out!” Exclamation point?
ELAINE: Well, yeah, you know how frustrating that can be when you keep putting quarters and quarters in to machine and then (prrt) nothing comes out…
LIPPMAN: Get rid of the exclamation points…
ELAINE: Ok, ok ok …

Well, that’s it for this round of Seinfeld observations. I’m sure there are bound to be more in the future.

Before we part ways, I saw the new T-Mobile ad on TV the other night for their new HotSpot @Home service. I shook my head and thought, “Did they use the third person speaker angle? And not even change the name of the character?” Seems I’m not the only one, as another blogger has taken notice as well. A note to T-Mobile: GSM/Wi-Fi handoff sounds appealing, but can’t you come up with a creative way to market it instead of using a joke from a sitcom? Come on!

On second thought, I better not give the advertisers any more sitcom references in case they decide to use them. Uh oh. I’ve made a huge mistake.

Good morning readers,

I’ve realized that one of the reasons I don’t post to this blog more often is that I feel that each post has to have “enough” content. In the past, I’ve restricted each post to a particular reflection, idea, what have you. However, I’m trying something new with this post: a hodgepodge of little stories, if you will. You Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. Okay, let’s begin.

I was driving yesterday afternoon in Seattle to meet up with some friends. While stopped at a traffic light, I glanced over to my left. There was a woman driving a car, and in the back seat was a bulldog. As if sensing my glance, the bulldog stuck his face out of the window nearest to me. I couldn’t help but smile. If a 30 second encounter with someone else’s dog cheers me up that much, imagine what owning one will do. I can’t wait to care for a dog once I move into a more permanent dwelling.

Next story: This morning started with a common ritual: ordering a drip coffee in the Starbucks across from my apartment. Before leaving, I noticed a flyer announcing a local theater company’s production of Twelfth Night. My mind can jump from one memory to another, and I’ll usually have to explain to whomever I am with how I made the association in my head. Upon seeing this flyer, I was reminded of my English teacher in high school, Mrs. Stern. This was when Birmingham’s mascot was still the Braves (not the Patriots, changed for politically correct reasons), and before everything seemed to go to shit. Anyways, Mrs. Stern was an awesome teacher. Although she was strict, I believe she acted that way in our best interests. She truly wanted us to succeed not only in her class, but in life. I can honestly say that my college writings would have been much worse had it not been for her, and I may not be where I am today. She passed away unexpectedly when she was only 58, and it was quite shocking. Mrs. Stern, you are missed.

Last story: While in Hawaii, my girlfriend and I were witness to some of the most atrocious parking jobs we have ever seen at our Maui hotel. Since returning, I decided to print out some forms from youparklikeanasshole.com. They’re in my glove compartment, yet I haven’t had the gall to actually put one on someone else’s windshield. Coincidentally, the same day that I printed it out, I got the flat tire. I have a feeling that karma is trying to tell me, “Don’t push it.”

Anyways, this post is coming to a close. For those of you that read this blog, let me know your thoughts about the new style of post. If you like it, there may be more in store.

Dusk on Friday was a bit more eventful than I wanted. On the way home from work, my front left tire blew out. Fortunately, there was an area on the side of the road where I was able to turn off and figure out what to do. Sure, I could have called AAA. But there was a perfectly good spare in the trunk with all the tools to boot. And so, I turned on the hazard lights, pulled the spare out, and got to work.

While changing the spare wasn’t very difficult, I was quite surprised by how many people stopped and asked if I needed any help. The first person was walking along the street; later on, a second person drove up alongside me (there wasn’t any traffic behind him) and asked if I needed any assistance. And get this - the third person who wanted to help realized he couldn’t park where I was pulled over. He took the time to drive up a block, find a place to park, and then walked back to ask if he could help in any way. It really was quite something.

Fortunately, I didn’t need any assistance (and it wasn’t because I was trying to be stubborn or act macho). I had replaced a flat before for someone I used to date, and I realized I’m quite good at it. When I told my mom about how many people stopped, she remarked, “Well, that’s because it’s not California!”. I suppose people would only stop back home if I was a hot girl who was attempting to change the tire in her bikini. Then again, more guys would probably stop up here for that matter.

While reading Dooce this evening, I noticed an interesting side ad which I decided to click on, thereby helping pay for Leta’s college tuition. Anyhow, the site in question let’s you create a t-shirt (though they’ve run out for the day) with an artistic depiction of your favorite drink from Harbucks…err, I mean Starbucks. You can also make wallpapers (though they should provide widescreen resolution sizes) and icons in two sizes.

The first thing I did was notify my girlfriend about the site; she humorously knows the acronyms of some of my preferred drinks, such as a GTSFVNFEHL (Grande triple sugar-free vanilla nonfat extra-hot latte). Of course, I’m more likely to use soy milk these days after a discussion with my nutritionist, but that’s besides the point.

After telling her about the fun to be had, I played around more with the near-endless possibilities of drinks that can be created. What impressed me more than anything else are the edge cases that either someone in UX or QA thought of. Here are some examples of creations that will pop-up a notification:

• Creating a half-decaf drink with 1 or 3 shots
• Choosing “room” and “no room” as two of your custom options
• Choosing “wet” and “dry” as two of your custom options
• Choosing “whipped cream” and “no whipped cream” as two of your custom options
• Selecting more than three custom options
• Creating a drink with at least 1 shot (in step 1), then selecting the hot chocolate as the type of drink (in step 5)
• and the list goes on…

However, there are some bizarre combinations you can create which don’t make any sense. For example, you can make an iced drink with “xtra-hot” as one of the options. Or, how about a “Grande iced xtra-hot iced black tea?” (Yes, iced appears twice). Your hot chocolate can also be made 1/2 decaf or fully decaffeinated. Of course, I realize that the application can’t be perfect, but it sure gives us something fun to play with!

If only I could order a t-shirt displaying a bizarro drink with the caption “corner case” underneath it…